Sometimes the aftermath of dealing with ‘difficult’ people can be a complete hangover. You feel drained and exhausted. You have to slowly get up and pick up the pieces and put them back together to get life rolling again. The need to get rejuvenated is essential.
I am sure we all have our own share of difficult people in our lives but some of us have it harder when they are unavoidable, falling in the close family/friends circle. But, first and foremost, who are these ‘difficult’ people?
They are the ones who simply cannot let you be. They consider it their duty to pick on each and everything you say or do and correct you because, according to them, whatever you do is wrong. They watch your movements, sometimes quite obviously, and pass their unwanted comments about where you lack. They hurl false accusations at you. They negate your actions and preach and preach and preach.
Their activities put you in a fix. If you remain silent are you deeming them right? If you react are you behaving in an immature way? You cannot decide. Leave decisions, you cannot think. A mental block takes over. You fret all day. You cannot sleep. Your helplessness in dealing with it is eating at your brain.
In my case, I can actually trace the stages of my relationship with these people. At first, I was unaware of their intentions. I’m sure they might not have enjoyed my ‘ignorance is bliss’ stage at all.
The second stage was the dawn of realisation. I remember trying to please them then. To do everything it was that they wanted at the moment, just to stop the complaints. But of course, to no avail. I tried hard to explain and got agitated when my explanation was not taken. I tried to reason with them and even point out that they had it all wrong about me. Was there any use? None!
The next stage was when I switched to mode ignore. I would only respond to neutral things. The effect was counter effective. It drove my antagonist up the wall trying to diffuse me and in the process I felt drained trying hard to ignore and ignore and ignore. It resulted in an unwanted outburst and an almost mental breakdown.
Then there was a period of depression. I walked around in a daze, like a zombie, ashen faced. I would often break stuff out of carelessness or make mistakes at my job desk. I believed that I was good-for-nothing. A complete loser like my enemy would have me believe. Deep down though, I knew I needed to pull myself together before an emotional meltdown happened.
I did the right thing then. I sought help. I talked to a wise friend. My wise friend pointed out all my positives, giving me a hell lot of inspiration to stand up for myself. She cited reasons on why I should not give up. My family needed me. I had to be strong for them. My kids emulated me. No matter what happens in life I had to square my shoulders and stand tall, she advised. I did just that. Thank you, my wise friend.
It was hard at first because it agitated said difficult people and they in turn left no stone unturned to “win” or whatever.
I was, however, over it. I had figured out that I needed to distance myself from them for any peace of mind.
When I look back on those trying months, I know where I went wrong in the first place. Like a child, I let myself be fooled into believing that I was incapable and irresponsible. That I had no knowledge about anything material, no values and not a bit of talent in anything worth mentioning. It looks appalling to me now that in my own eyes I became the very person my enemy purported me out to be. I became socially inept and sober. I couldn’t talk two sentences without stammering. I had lost my vitality and self esteem. All because of someone who didn’t even know me.
No more, I hope. The next time I face such people, I resolve to be unaffected. I know that I am what I am. I am strong and independent. I am intelligent and knowledgeable. I know where my faults lie but don’t we all have our fair share of negative traits? At least I know my faults do not lie in my character. I never try to hurt anyone on purpose and I try hard not to do it by accident either. I am an honest and straightforward person. I like to enjoy my life. I am practical and I know that hardships shall come and go in life. I am willing to take that.
The funniest part is when I realise now that the whole fiasco was not even about me. It is people who have problems in their life that they are helpless about that go about destroying others who seem happy and cheerful. If you notice them, most of these ‘difficult’ people find it hard to get along with others around them. They have something negative to say about almost everyone in their lives.
According to the law of mirrors, What you are inside, is the way you will see those around you.
A note to self:
Every cloud has a silver lining. Each ordeal make you stronger. Practice patience and take the right steps until you are able to take it all with a pinch of salt and a smile.
A note to my not-so-well wishers:
This is me
Leave me or take me
But do not try to break me!
Make not a militant,
Out of a pacifist…